Boom Beach Forum

Miscellaneous => Off Topic => Topic started by: BB_MasterBoomer on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM

Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
A rifleman, a heavy and a zooka walk into a bar...
 
  The heavy laughs, the rifleman is hospitalized and the zooka drops dead...
 
  Aha..ha..ha.. *cough* ok who has a better one?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
Wait where was the warrior???
 
  It was a non smoking bar...
 
  Ahaa ha... *crickets chirping*... tough crowd eh?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_BoaDestructor on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
A zooka walks up to a scorcher. "Do you have a light please?"
 
  The scorcher briefly coughs. *poof* goes the zooka
 
  (I know, I know)
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Steko on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
An all offense player, a turtle, a leaderboard player and a crossfit enthusiast all walk into a bar. How do you know which is which? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Joker4660 on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
Three warriors walk into a bar.  The fourth one ducks.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
YES!
 
  10 chars
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: fritzelly on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
A group of grenadiers walk into a bar...
 
 
  ...and order water
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Buki on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
35762 forum members walk into a bar. Only two of them ask for infinite HQ upgrades.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Fritzelly                 View Post              
             
A group of grenadiers walk into a bar...
 
 
  ...and order water
                  
    
 
*crowd goes wild*
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Buki                 View Post              
             
35762 forum members walk into a bar. Only two of them ask for infinite HQ upgrades.
                  
    
 
...
 
  Who said anything about 'infinite'? (I'm thinking 25).
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Buki on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Tryeeme                 View Post              
             
...
 
  Who said anything about 'infinite'? (I'm thinking 25).
                  
    
 
Just one than.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Bucknakked on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
8 boatloads of zooks hit the beach.on the way to the enemy hq they walk into every single mine on the base...wait,that's not funny at all!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Bucknakked                 View Post              
             
8 boatloads of zooks hit the beach.on the way to the enemy hq they walk into every single mine on the base...wait,that's not funny at all!
                  
    
 
Zookas are to mines as trailer parks are to tornados
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: fritzelly on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Bucknakked                 View Post              
             
8 boatloads of zooks hit the beach.on the way to the enemy hq they walk into every single mine on the base...wait,that's not funny at all!
                  
    
 
This made me giggle
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
A grenadier walks into a ritzy bar. Grabs a menu. Checks the prices. His heart stops.
 
  "Medic! My heart! Gad-Zooks, this place is expensive!!!"
 
  Once revived, he rifles through his wallet, and finds a heavy gold coin. Hands it to the barkeep, who tanks him.
 
  "I wouldn't pay this much," says the Gren, "but it's a scorcher out there. Man my wife will be mad when she finds out what I spent on this lousy drink..."
 
  "Don't tell her," says the bartender. "Why warri'or?"
 
  (I'll show myself out)
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on May 30, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
A grenadier walks into a ritzy bar. Grabs a menu. Checks the prices. His heart stops.
 
  "Medic! My heart! Gad-Zooks, this place is expensive!!!"
 
  Once revived, he rifles through his wallet, and finds a heavy gold coin. Hands it to the barkeep, who tanks him.
 
  "I wouldn't pay this much," says the Gren, "but it's a scorcher out there. Man my wife will be mad when she finds out what I spent on this lousy drink..."
 
  "Don't tell her," says the bartender. "Why warri'or?"
 
  (I'll show myself out)
                  
    
 
Made me lol more than it should've
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_xNORTHERNx on May 31, 2016, 01:00 AM
I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer and the waitress screamed "does anybody know CPR?". I yelled, " I know the whole alphabet" and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one guy
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on May 31, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by xNORTHERNx                 View Post              
             
I was sitting at the bar drinking a beer and the waitress screamed "does anybody know CPR?". I yelled, " I know the whole alphabet" and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one guy
                  
    
 
Lol. Ever noticed, though, that gunboat abilities have the ABC's covered? Arty, Barrage, Critters. I want "Destructor" for the next one.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_xNORTHERNx on May 31, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
Lol. Ever noticed, though, that gunboat abilities have the ABC's covered? Arty, Barrage, Critters. I want "Destructor" for the next one.
                  
    
 
I'll take one too please
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Rudeman on May 31, 2016, 01:00 AM
You can't make a joke about grens walking into a bar, the joke has to be more like '4 grens walk towards a bar but stop 3 blocks away'.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on May 31, 2016, 01:00 AM
Oh God, I was just reminded of a joke I haven't told in 20 years. Thanks go to my ex-wife who quoted it to me. This is not remotely BB related BTW. The punchline is:
 
  "The son of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides." Now I just have to remember the leadup...
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on Jun 01, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
Oh God, I was just reminded of a joke I haven't told in 20 years. Thanks go to my ex-wife who quoted it to me. This is not remotely BB related BTW. The punchline is:
 
  "The son of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides." Now I just have to remember the leadup...
                  
    
 
I know this joke! (or something similar - I have heard variatiions)
 
  It's to do with a tribal leader, and he has 2 sons with 2 of his wives (his squaws). His third wife gives birth, and he holds a competition to guess about the birth of his third wife. Many come, and guess girl, boy, etc. At last, one of the tribe guesses twin boys. The leader is amazed, and asks how he did this.
 
  Anyway, the punchline is the pythagorean rule. I'm pretty sure the version I remember had a 'high-pot and noose'. Hmm
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Bucknakked on Jun 02, 2016, 01:00 AM
Ah the off topic category.where good threads come to die!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on Jun 03, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Rudeman                 View Post              
             
You can't make a joke about grens walking into a bar, the joke has to be more like '4 grens walk towards a bar but stop 3 blocks away'.
                  
    
 
Hear about the grenadier that had a raging fit and threw himself to the floor?
 
  He missed...
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on Jun 03, 2016, 01:00 AM
What's the difference between a grenadier and a storm trooper?
 
  The law of averages works on storm troopers.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Tryeeme on Jun 03, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by MasterBoomer                 View Post              
             
Hear about the grenadier that had a raging fit and threw himself to the floor?
 
  He missed...
                  
    
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by MasterBoomer                 View Post              
             
What's the difference between a grenadier and a storm trooper?
 
  The law of averages works on storm troopers.
                  
    
 
very good
 
  Edit:
 
  What's the difference between a grenadier and a sad elephant?
 
  One's a drunk troop and the other has a trunk droop.
 
  (sorry)
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on Jun 04, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Tryeeme                 View Post              
             
What's the difference between a grenadier and a sad elephant?
 
  One's a drunk troop and the other has a trunk droop.
 
  (sorry)
                  
    
 
Applause!
 
  What's the difference between a warrior and a drunk bird?
 
  One swings away, the other's wings a'sway.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on Jun 04, 2016, 01:00 AM
Actually I'm kinda proud of that one... I was sober.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_MasterBoomer on Jun 08, 2016, 01:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
Actually I'm kinda proud of that one... I was sober.
                  
    
 
Really? Makes me wanna drink...
 
  But why is the rum gone???
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Delphi on Dec 15, 2016, 12:00 AM
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 16, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Tryeeme                 View Post              
             
very good
 
  Edit:
 
  What's the difference between a grenadier and a sad elephant?
 
  One's a drunk troop and the other has a trunk droop.
 
  (sorry)
                  
    
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
Applause!
 
  What's the difference between a warrior and a drunk bird?
 
  One swings away, the other's wings a'sway.
                  
    
 
These are great!! I love word play!  Here's mine: two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was a salted.  Lol, it's a regional fav...groan!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 16, 2016, 12:00 AM
I would post a few here but I would be banned for sure.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 17, 2016, 12:00 AM
C'mon Orr, why not?  My joke was terrible and I'm still allowed back lol
 
  How about this one and I'll leave it open to you guys to figure out. It's wordplay like the earlier ones I quoted.
 
  What's the difference between a knight of the round table and a tangled ball of string?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 17, 2016, 12:00 AM
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Because they're all dead.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Delphi on Dec 18, 2016, 12:00 AM
Q: Why did Dr T stop eating Zooka sandwiches?
  A: ... because he didn't like the new spread!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
Oh wow, vonline, you totally got me with that haha.
 
  So no one can figure out my riddle?
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Neen                 View Post              
             
What's the difference between a knight of the round table and a tangled ball of string?
                  
    
 
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Laisanity1221 on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Neen                 View Post              
             
Oh wow, vonline, you totally got me with that haha.
 
  So no one can figure out my riddle?
                  
    
 
One is a frayed knot while the other is not afraid lol.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_JohnCenaBB on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
A zooka was deployed on the beach.The heavy never returned.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Laisanity1221                 View Post              
             
One is a frayed knot while the other is not afraid lol.
                  
    
 
Yes!!!!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
A fun one to use but it won't read well.
 
  You:  Why did the chicken cross the road?
  Them: IDK
  You: to get to the idiots house.
 
  You: Knock knock
  Them: Who's there?
  You: The chicken.
  Them:  The chick...  
 
  If they don't get it the first time repeat it until they do. The more you have to say it the better.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
So if this is a bad joke thread... Here we go....what does a buck tooth cow say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Moooooff.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
Ok, you were right...banned!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
So if this is a bad joke thread... Here we go....what does a buck tooth cow say?
                  
    
 
"Eaff morff chicken"?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
Here's another joke we enjoy on LI:  if a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Neen                 View Post              
             
Here's another joke we enjoy on LI:  if a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
                  
    
 
Bagel? ????
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
What do you call a cow with no legs?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Ground beef....he he he!!!  I told you not to get me started.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
Knock knock
  Who's there
  Interrupting cow
  Inter...
  MOOOOOOOO
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
What do you call a dog with no legs?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  You don't because if you called him he wouldn't come anyway
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Bagel? ????
                  
    
 
Right!
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Knock knock
  Who's there
  Interrupting cow
  Inter...
  MOOOOOOOO
                  
    
 
I love that one!
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
What do you call a dog with no legs?
 
  You don't because if you called him he wouldn't come anyway
                  
    
 
Aw, that's sad!  How about this one: what do you call a woman with one leg?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Eileen (now that's bad!)
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_JohnCenaBB on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
What's the difference between a level 1 Medic and a level 2 Medic?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  I don't know either.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 19, 2016, 12:00 AM
You: What is the difference between a shower curtain and toliet paper?
  Them: IDK
  You: [points finger of accusation] So it was you!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
You: What is the difference between a shower curtain and toliet paper?
  Them: IDK
  You: [points finger of accusation] So it was you!
                  
    
 
If a rooster is standing on the peak of a roof and lays an egg which side of the roof will the egg roll down?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
If a rooster is standing on the peak of a roof and lays an egg which side of the roof will the egg roll down?
                  
    
 
Are we allowing hens to self identify as roosters now?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Are we allowing hens to self identify as roosters now?
                  
    
 
Ha..roosters don't lay eggs.
 
  You get the smiley face sticker!!☺
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
A pirate captian walked into a bar. The barmaid asked him "Are you the captian of that pirate ship that pulled into our docks earlier  today?"  He replied "Aye, that is I, the scourge of the seven seas am I".  "Well then" she asked him, "if you are the captian, then where are you buccaneers?"  "My buccaneers" he replied "are under my buccing hat, where else do you think my buccing ears would be?"  
 
  Later, a termite walked into the same bar. He repeatedly  banged his wing on the bar top yelling "Bartender! Barteneder! Where is the bar tender?"
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
Thanks for the laughs guys!  The pirate one took me by surprise but not as much as this comment:
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Are we allowing hens to self identify as roosters now?
                  
    
 
I had to read back to Orrs joke before I busted a gut over it!  I'm still giggling...
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
Why doesn't Mexico have a decent Olympic team?
 
  Hope I don't get banned for this
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Why doesn't Mexico have a decent Olympic team?
 
  Hope I don't get banned for this
                  
    
 
Dont finish that joke. it might actually get you banned
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Why doesn't Mexico have a decent Olympic team?
                  
    
 
Because they import all of their athletes from Boston!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by rowman                 View Post              
             
Because they import all of their athletes from Boston!
                  
    
 
Ha ha...I won't finish that one per v's advice.
  And here we go again with the Boston thing...geez I cent get away from it.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Ha ha...I won't finish that one per v's advice.
  And here we go again with the Boston thing...geez I cent get away from it.
                  
    
 
You could very easily. Uhauls are not that expensive.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
Rotfl
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
You can take a man out of the city but can't take the city out of the man. I would still be a fan
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_bpepper on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
i don't get the mexico-boston joke...?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by bpepper                 View Post              
             
i don't get the mexico-boston joke...?
                  
    
 
Yeah I don't get half the jokes....here or in rl
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by bpepper                 View Post              
             
i don't get the mexico-boston joke...?
                  
    
 
That's because I didn't give the real punchline cuz I don't want to get banned...the old wise man came up with the Boston thing on his own.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
That's because I didn't give the real punchline cuz I don't want to get banned...the old wise man came up with the Boston thing on his own.
                  
    
 
Old, yes. Wise, no.
 
  If I was wise, could I then also be a Ravens fan (which I am)? I think those two items are mutually exclusive.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by rowman                 View Post              
             
Old, yes. Wise, no.
 
  If I was wise, could I then also be a Ravens fan (which I am)? I think those two items are mutually exclusive.
                  
    
 
Well now that explains a few things.
 
  On with the bad jokes.
 
  How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 20, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Well now that explains a few things.
 
  On with the bad jokes.
 
  How do you catch a unique rabbit?
                  
    
 
With a singular hare snare.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 21, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
With a singular hare snare.
                  
    
 
Nope...u nique up on it..loll
 
  How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 21, 2016, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Nope...u nique up on it..loll
 
  How do you catch a tame rabbit?
                  
    
 
u nique up on it too!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  as in the tame way.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 21, 2016, 12:00 AM
Yep...works every time!!!😋
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Dec 21, 2016, 12:00 AM
You know the best way to catch an elephant?
 
  You dig a big hole and fill it with ashes then you put peas around it.
  When he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole!!! 😋
 
  Just tell me to stop. Lol
  Told you not to get me going
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 21, 2016, 12:00 AM
I loved the rabbit jokes but that last one was too much!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Dec 24, 2016, 12:00 AM
What nationality is Santa?
 
 
 
 
 
 
  North-polish
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 24, 2016, 12:00 AM
Why don't steak knives invite butter knives to parties?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Because they are too dull.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_killerdad on Dec 25, 2016, 12:00 AM
Why did Captain Condom go flying across the room?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  He got ♥♥♥♥♥♥ off!  🍻
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on Dec 31, 2016, 12:00 AM
How many surrealist painters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  A fish!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Dec 31, 2016, 12:00 AM
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  you can uncrew a light bulb.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
You know the best way to catch an elephant?
 
  You dig a big hole and fill it with ashes then you put peas around it.
  When he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole!!! 
 
  Just tell me to stop. Lol
  Told you not to get me going
                  
    
 
not bad for a Bostonian
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
not bad for a Bostonian
                  
    
 
I have a million of them but unfortunately this is a family site and probably won't go over very well.
 
  What do you call a dear with no eyes?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  I have no eye dear!!
 
  You must have heard that one.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
No but I've seen it before.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
No but I've seen it before.
                  
    
 
What about a dear with no eyes and no legs?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
No but I've seen it before.
                  
    
 
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
What about a dear with no eyes and no legs?
                  
    
 
Still no eye deer!!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
lol, I'm going to have to borrow a few of these!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
lol, I'm going to have to borrow a few of these!
                  
    
 
There is a 3rd teir to this but it inappropriate 😋
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Still no eye deer!!!
                  
    
 
Took me a few, but I got it! Hehe
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
There is a 3rd teir to this but it inappropriate 😋
                  
    
 
Ummmm no eye deer lol
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
There is a 3rd teir to this but it inappropriate 
                  
    
 
You might have to PM it
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on Jan 01, 2017, 12:00 AM
I wasn't gonna do it but have changed my mind. It's 2017 and all.
 
  Guy with no arms and no legs tries out for the swim team. Coach says "Um, are you sure?"
   
  "Yes! Just let me show you what I've got!"
 
  So they get him onto the diving board, he topples in... and sinks to the bottom. After a moment the coach dispatches a couple of other swimmers to drag him out.
 
  "Son, maybe the Swim Team isn't for you."
 
  "Coach! Let me try again! I had a cramp!"
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Jan 02, 2017, 12:00 AM
Not for nothing, but your forum name is funnier than that joke
 
  How about this one: what did the grape say when he got stepped on?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Nothing, he just let out a little wine...bad...I know :P
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 02, 2017, 12:00 AM
Did you hear about the guy who drove to the beer store with his toddler child in the back seat? He went into store and bought a case of beer,went out to his car forgetting the child was in back seat. Opened the door and threw the case of beer into the back seat and it landed right on the child!!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Child is fine...it was light beer!!
 
  Tell me to stop any time..everybody here does!! Lol
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 02, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Arghacceptmyname                 View Post              
             
I wasn't gonna do it but have changed my mind. It's 2017 and all.
 
  Guy with no arms and no legs tries out for the swim team. Coach says "Um, are you sure?"
   
  "Yes! Just let me show you what I've got!"
 
  So they get him onto the diving board, he topples in... and sinks to the bottom. After a moment the coach dispatches a couple of other swimmers to drag him out.
 
  "Son, maybe the Swim Team isn't for you."
 
  "Coach! Let me try again! I had a cramp!"
                  
    
 
I wasn't. Going to either but seeing how you set me up... Guy with no arms or legs in a pool? Was his name BOB!! If he were laying in front of a door his name would be MATT.
 
 
  I'm sorry...I had too😋
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 03, 2017, 12:00 AM
What happens when you splice a lizard with a turkey?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  You lose your grant funding and are visited by the University ethics committee.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 03, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
What happens when you splice a lizard with a turkey?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  You lose your grant funding and are visited by the University ethics committee.
                  
    
 

 
 
  ..........................................
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Laisanity1221 on Jan 04, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             

  ..........................................
                  
    
 
hahaha what the heck is this lol
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 04, 2017, 12:00 AM
A splice between a violin and a cricket...
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
A splice between a violin and a cricket...
                  
    
 
You've been watching cricket porn again? Sick I say...there are therapist for that.
 
  Ps; I'm pretty sure that's a grasshopper. 😏
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
You've been watching cricket porn again? Sick I say...there are therapist for that.
 
  Ps; I'm pretty sure that's a grasshopper. 
                  
    
 
that there is a damn cricket!  as a Boston fan I would have thought you would know all about crickets, that's all you can hear during most Bruins games.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
that there is a damn cricket!  as a Boston fan I would have thought you would know all about crickets, that's all you can hear during most Bruins games.
                  
    
 
Sorry but that's a grasshopper or a locus...just saying..I passed this pic around the job site and everybody said...grasshopper!!! Crickets are brown and don't have heads like that. I wish I could post pics.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
It's a grasshopper!  
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grasshopper
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket_(insect)
 
  But flonner's too "manly" to click the links & check the facts lol
 
  We've got tons of both of these where I live. It sounds like a fairy land at night with their music. When I was little, I put a cricket in my easy bake oven...I still feel bad about that lol! (And no, I wasn't baking any cakes in that thing after that )
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Neen                 View Post              
             
It's a grasshopper!  
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grasshopper
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket_(insect)
 
  But flonner's too "manly" to click the links & check the facts lol
 
  We've got tons of both of these where I live. It sounds like a fairy land at night with their music. When I was little, I put a cricket in my easy bake oven...I still feel bad about that lol! (And no, I wasn't baking any cakes in that thing after that )
                  
    
 
And that may be a viola and not a violin but I won't argue that one...I would have to either see the size or just look at the bow.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
Ah hahahahahaha!
 
  Let's not start comparing sizes boys!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Neen                 View Post              
             
It's a grasshopper!  
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grasshopper
 
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket_(insect)
 
  But flonner's too "manly" to click the links & check the facts lol
 
  We've got tons of both of these where I live. It sounds like a fairy land at night with their music. When I was little, I put a cricket in my easy bake oven...I still feel bad about that lol! (And no, I wasn't baking any cakes in that thing after that )
                  
    
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
Sorry but that's a grasshopper or a locus...just saying..I passed this pic around the job site and everybody said...grasshopper!!! Crickets are brown and don't have heads like that. I wish I could post pics.
                  
    
 

  First off you 2 need to lay off whatever it is you are smoking down south because it's just not working for you!!!
 

  That there is a bloody cricket!  To be more precise the great green bush-cricket or tettigonia viridissima.  The adult males grow up to 28–36 millimetres (1.1–1.4 in) long, while females reach 32–42 millimetres (1.3–1.7 in). This insect is most often completely green (but there are specimens completely yellowish or with yellow legs), excluding a rust-colored band on top of the body.
 
  Tettigonia viridissima
is distinguished by its very long and thin antennae, which can sometimes reach up to three times the length of the body, thus differentiating them from grasshopperss, which always carry short antennae. It could be confused with Tettigonia cantans, whose wings are a centimeter shorter than the ovipositor, or Tettigonia caudata whose hind femurs bear conspicuous black spines.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
Four friends, a doctor of medicine, a car salesman, a minister and a Boom Beach programmer decided to play a round of golf. The doctor offered to drive, so they all got into his car. While going down the road, the car suddenly slowed, they heard thumping noises, and the car started to lean to the front right. The doctor pulled off the road, turned the car off and said: "I deal with injured people, not machines. What do we do?"
 
  The car salesman spoke first: "The problem is that this vehicle is two years old. The newer models don't have this problem. Let us simply walk to the dealership and get you a new car."
 
  "That is not the problem, nor the solution" said the minister. "This vehicle is obviously possessed by a demon spirit. I shall exorcise it!"
 
  The Boom Beach programmer chuckled then said "Gentlemen, what we have is simply a flat tire in the front right. I will take care of it for you". He then stepped out of the car.
 
  Fifteen minutes later, he got back in the car and said "Problem resolved, let us get going". The doctor started the car, gunned the engine, but the car barely moved and the thumping was much louder. They all looked at the programmer and yelled "What the heck did you do?" The programmer replied "It should have worked. Since we had a bug in the left front tire, I simply flattened the left rear tire to achieve the proper balance."
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
First off you 2 need to lay off whatever it is you are smoking down south because it's just not working for you!!!
 

  That there is a bloody cricket!  To be more precise the great green bush-cricket or tettigonia viridissima.  The adult males grow up to 28–36 millimetres (1.1–1.4 in) long, while females reach 32–42 millimetres (1.3–1.7 in). This insect is most often completely green (but there are specimens completely yellowish or with yellow legs), excluding a rust-colored band on top of the body.
 
  Tettigonia viridissima
is distinguished by its very long and thin antennae, which can sometimes reach up to three times the length of the body, thus differentiating them from grasshopperss, which always carry short antennae. It could be confused with Tettigonia cantans, whose wings are a centimeter shorter than the ovipositor, or Tettigonia caudata whose hind femurs bear conspicuous black spines.
                  
    
 
So that's what they call grasshoppers in Canada! Great bush cricket? I still say its a grasshopper and a viola...what do you know about grasshoppers..you don't have grass just snow!!😋
  And don't worry about what we smoking..working just fine.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
So that's what they call grasshoppers in Canada! Great bush cricket? I still say its a grasshopper and a viola...what do you know about grasshoppers..you don't have grass just snow!!
  And don't worry about what we smoking..working just fine.
                  
    
 
I'll have you know that we are snow free for at least a couple weeks each year!  That is a cricket with a violin!
 
 
 
 
 
  The Great Green Bush Cricket!  Brown bloody stripe on the back, long thin antennae.  I already won $49.95 from you the last time you were wrong, but I'll go double or nothing any day of the week that that's a cricket!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM
These:
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             

 
 
                  
    
 
clearly look nothing like cricket:
 
 
  case closed.  Back to jokes.
 
 
  So a doctor, a priest and an engineer are golfing when they come upon a foursome that is just terrible.  They are just hitting shots everywhere and taking too much time.  The trio decide to play around them rather than wait.  When they get to the clubhouse they ask the owner about the group.  The owner relays a story of how 4 years ago his clubhouse nearly burned down and those 4 men were part of the firefighting crew that responded.  They managed to save his clubhouse and hi livelihood, but unfortunately all 4 lost their eyesight as a result of the event.  So he allows them to golf for free whenever they like.  The Priest shook his head and promised he would pray for those men.  The doctor promised he would consult with a surgeon he knew about recent advancements in eye transplantation to see if there was something that could be done for them.  The engineer simply asked, "Why not just let them golf at night?"
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM
Lol...makes sense!!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             

  case closed.  Back to jokes.
                  
    
 
It's closed when Neen and Orr both acknowledge it's a cricket!  This is a serious discussion!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
It's closed when Neen and Orr both acknowledge it's a cricket!  This is a serious discussion!
                  
    
 
Ok fine. there are two general distinguishing characteristics between crickets and grasshoppers. one is the antennae and the other is how they "sing". Since the splicer gave the insect a top hat clearly the antennae are irrelevant. Crickets sing by rubbing their wings together. Grasshoppers rub their leg against thier wing. Clearly the splicer designed this abomination to play the violin with it legs. So it is either a spliced cricket which was then trained to use its leg or it is a spliced grasshopper that would naturally use its leg. Occams razor dictates that it is a grasshopper. It obviously got its brown streak from the wood grain of the violin neck.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Ok fine. there are two general distinguishing characteristics between crickets and grasshoppers. one is the antennae and the other is how they "sing". Since the splicer gave the insect a top hat clearly the antennae are irrelevant. Crickets sing by rubbing their wings together. Grasshoppers rub their leg against thier wing. Clearly the splicer designed this abomination to play the violin with it legs. So it is either a spliced cricket which was then trained to use its leg or it is a spliced grasshopper that would naturally use its leg. Occams razor dictates that it is a grasshopper. It obviously got its brown streak from the wood grain of the violin neck.
                  
    
 
You too are very wrong, it's a cricket.  I have proof but I was hoping that Orr would take my bet first...
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
The daily joke: everyone not willing to admit it's a cricket
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
The daily joke: everyone not willing to admit it's a cricket
                  
    
 
Its your pet beaver in its Halloween costume...a grasshopper crossed with a viola!!!😝
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
ok it's officially time to end this....  its a bloody cricket and a violin.
 
  https://www.flickr.com/photos/azrain...n/photostream/
 
  By: Mark Rain   
  Jiminy Cricket

Jiminy gets a Stradivari from Gepetto.
  "When you wish upon a star,
  Makes no difference who you are,
  Anything your heart desires,
  Will come to you..."
  Image used is actually a  Great Green Bush Cricket.
  More of my Creative Common images are available  on my  Picasa page.
  If you find this image useful, please link it to my blog at: www.azrainman.com
 


Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
A: What's the difference between a grasshopper and a crivket?
  B: I don't know what's the difference between a grasshopper and a cricket?
  A:  Oh hi Flonner
 
  See if you're going to keep posting about it make a joke. This is supposed to be a joke thread.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Flonner on Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
A: What's the difference between a grasshopper and a crivket?
  B: I don't know what's the difference between a grasshopper and a cricket?
  A:  Oh hi Flonner
 
  See if you're going to keep posting about it make a joke. This is supposed to be a joke thread.
                  
    
 
See it eventually all lead to a good original joke! That made me chuckle
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
Found online:
 
  Minister: And now the couple would like to share their wedding vows
  Groom:  A E I O U
  Bride: Are you ever going to take anything seriously?
  Groom:  Sometimes … why?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Jan 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Found online:
 
  Minister: And now the couple would like to share their wedding vows
  Groom:  A E I O U
  Bride: Are you ever going to take anything seriously?
  Groom:  Sometimes … why?
                  
    
 
Made me giggle...sounds like my wedding
 
 
  What food kills a woman's sex drive?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Wedding cake!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Jan 16, 2017, 12:00 AM
Who is this Rorchach guy and why does he keep painting naked pictures of my mother?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Arghacceptmyname on Jan 23, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Who is this Rorchach guy and why does he keep painting naked pictures of my mother?
                  
    
 
I don't know how I've gone my whole life without hearing this one, but I swear I am going to go get T-shirts made. Well played sir.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Mul on Feb 10, 2017, 12:00 AM
Does it have to be a BB joke?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Feb 10, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Mul                 View Post              
             
Does it have to be a BB joke?
                  
    
 
No it doesnt
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Mul on Feb 12, 2017, 12:00 AM
Does anyone here know a sodium joke?
 
  Na.  
 
  Does anyone here knows a sodium hypobromite joke?
 
  NaBrO.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_NukeRubberDucky on Feb 14, 2017, 12:00 AM
What do you call a cow with no legs?   Ground Beef
  What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef
  What do you call a cow with three legs? a cow with three legs
 
   *No Cows were harmed in the making of this thread
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_ArustamyanYoutube on Feb 14, 2017, 12:00 AM
A grenadier throws a grenade and it hits the building you flared to.
 
  I'll see myself out
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Neen on Feb 16, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Mul                 View Post              
             
Does anyone here know a sodium joke?
 
  Na.  
 
  Does anyone here knows a sodium hypobromite joke?
 
  NaBrO.
                  
    
 
Omg, took me a sec but that was too funny!!!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Igotnuthin on Feb 20, 2017, 12:00 AM
Got some nerdy jokes.
 
  Q: Why do chemists have all the answers?
 
  A: because they have all the solutions.
 
  Q: a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does the bartender say?
 
  A: no charge for you!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_NukeRubberDucky on Feb 25, 2017, 12:00 AM
Did you hear about the guy that got his left side cut off? He's all right now 😉
 
  Flonner that picture is a Trans-spieces originally a grasshopper no doubt, but under the influence of Flonner decided to change to a cricket.
                       - Fellow Canadian you know how smart we are up north. My solution both works politically and socially 😉 Ba dum tsss
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_101112131415 on Feb 25, 2017, 12:00 AM
What do you call Batman when he doesn't go to Church?
 
  Christian Bale
 
  *badun tiss*
 
  kill me now
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Feb 26, 2017, 12:00 AM
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic..and so am I.
 
  😀😀
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_asphyxia on Feb 27, 2017, 12:00 AM
There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: MikeCT1020 on Feb 28, 2017, 12:00 AM
To solve the controversy, the great green bush cricket is a species of bush cricket which is a family of insects also known as katydids. They are related to true crickets but are not true crickets. So to end the controversy once and for all, YOU'RE ALL WRONG, IT'S A KATYDID.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Igotnuthin on Feb 28, 2017, 12:00 AM
I lost my luggage at the airport the other day and i sued them for not providing good care for their customers' belongings
  Well you can say I lost the case.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Feb 28, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Mikect1020                 View Post              
             
To solve the controversy, the great green bush cricket is a species of bush cricket which is a family of insects also known as katydids. They are related to true crickets but are not true crickets. So to end the controversy once and for all, YOU'RE ALL WRONG, IT'S A KATYDID.
                  
    
 
Wow mike your still on the great cricket/grasshopper controversy? Don't get Flonner going..he going to want his $49.95
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_TTvanderNest on Mar 05, 2017, 12:00 AM
a Cammel can work a whole week without drinking
 
  a Grenader can drink a whole week without working
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Mar 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
Why did psychic octopus ban Lloopy?
 
  Because it detected that she is an eX-Mod!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: LilMiss on Mar 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by rowman                 View Post              
             
Why did psychic octopus ban Lloopy?
 
  Because it detected that she is an eX-Mod!
                  
    
 

  Lol,
 
 
  when i left being a mod anoushka asked me what did I want as my forum title... only thing I could think of was ex-mod.... but opted to keep my mouth closed and stay with the forum titles, which was a safer option!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_rowman on Mar 07, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Lloopy14                 View Post              
             
....when i left being a mod anoushka asked me what did I want as my forum title... only thing I could think of was ex-mod.... but opted to keep my mouth closed and stay with the forum titles, which was a safer option!
                  
    
 
Agree that it was the safe decision, but that would have been so funny as it would have raised eyebrows!
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_B3astM0d3 on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
There was once a man and his son. The man told his son that if he got straight A's in school, he would give him anything he wanted. So the son goes all throughout the school year and he does really well in school and get's straight A's. So the man goes up to his son and asks him what he wanted. The son said "I want a tennis ball". So the dad was confused about why he wanted a tennis ball but he went out a bought a tennis ball for his son and gave it to him. The next school year, the son was diagnosed with cancer and again the father said that if he got good grades in school he'd get him anything he wanted. So the school year passes and the son does really well. The father goes up to him and asks what do you want? The son then says "I want a crate of tennis balls". Now the father is super confused and and asks why do want tennis balls? And the son says I'll tell you later dad. So he gets the crate of tennis balls. So summer passes and the son health is a lot worse. Same thing happens and the dad tells him if he got good grades he would give him anything. The school year passes, he gets good grades and his father asks what do you want. The son then says "I want a truckload of tennis balls". The father is very confused now and he asks again "what is it that you need the tennis balls for son??" The son said I'll tell you soon dad. So the dad goes out and buys a whole truckload of tennis balls. The next year comes and the son is in the hospital, he is very sick. And the father sais son I'll get you anything you want now just let me know. The son replies that "I want 5 storage units worth of tennis balls dad". The father then asks "why son why??" The son said that he will tell him after he buys it. The father goes out and he buys 5 storage units of tennis balls and comes back to his son. Then he says "I've bought all these tennis balls for you son, why do you need so many?" The son then says "I wanted all these tennis balls because..." and then he dies. :P
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
How many [insert nationality you wish to make fun of here] does it take to shingle a roof?  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  3 if you slice them thin enough.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
How many [insert nationality you wish to make fun of here] does it take to shingle a roof?  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  3 if you slice them thin enough.
                  
    
 
I thought we couldn't joke about nationality. ...if we could I have some show stoppers but banned for sure.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
The king knows he is dying and must come up with a way to choose which of his three sons will be next king.
  He calls a meeting with his 3 sons. "Sons.. the one of you that can collect for me the most amazing ping pong balls will be next king"
  The sons disperse.  Three days later the first son arrives with three solid gold ping pong balls..."very nice my son, lets see how your brothers do"
  Two days later the second son arrives with 4 diamond crusted gold ping pong balls."wow son,this may be tough to beat.
  A week goes by and finally the 3rd son arrives covered in blood and bruised badly holding two very large sacks. The king says" well son what type of ping pong balls did you bring you farther"
  The son replies"ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kongs balls"😁
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
I thought we couldn't joke about nationality. ...if we could I have some show stoppers but banned for sure.
                  
    
 

  Fine then.  How many Bruins fans does it take to shingle a roof?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Fine then.  How many Bruins fans does it take to shingle a roof?
                  
    
 
Lol. Should have known somthin like that was coming? Did you ever admit which team is your fav?
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Laisanity1221 on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
The king knows he is dying and must come up with a way to choose which of his three sons will be next king.
  He calls a meeting with his 3 sons. "Sons.. the one of you that can collect for me the most amazing ping pong balls will be next king"
  The sons disperse.  Three days later the first son arrives with three solid gold ping pong balls..."very nice my son, lets see how your brothers do"
  Two days later the second son arrives with 4 diamond crusted gold ping pong balls."wow son,this may be tough to beat.
  A week goes by and finally the 3rd son arrives covered in blood and bruised badly holding two very large sacks. The king says" well son what type of ping pong balls did you bring you farther"
  The son replies"ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kongs balls"
                  
    
 
I'm dying from laughter lol.
  I tried to catch fog once. I mist.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_Mul on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Igotnuthin                 View Post              
             
Got some nerdy jokes.
 
  Q: Why do chemists have all the answers?
 
  A: because they have all the solutions.
 
  Q: a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does the bartender say?
 
  A: no charge for you!
                  
    
 

  Why is everyone telling bad chemistry jokes?
 
  Because all the good ones Argon
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_vonline on Mar 08, 2017, 12:00 AM
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Mul                 View Post              
             
Why is everyone telling bad chemistry jokes?
 
  Because all the good ones Argon
                  
    
 
I'll give it to you, that one was a gas.
Title: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: BB_JohnCenaBB on Oct 09, 2017, 01:00 AM
Do you want to hear a joke?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Brick's Cluster Grenade
Title: Re: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Oct 16, 2018, 04:39 AM
Bump
Title: Re: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: TheBro88 on Oct 17, 2018, 03:05 AM
Not mine, but here you go. :)

What do you call it when a white man dancing has a seizure?



An improvement.
Title: Re: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Orrscores on Oct 17, 2018, 08:28 PM
What did the hungry lightbulb say?





Watts for lunch? 😝
Title: Re: The REAL daily joke thread:
Post by: Thespy on Dec 27, 2018, 10:59 PM
A mega crab walks into the middle of the island.


Being destroyed instantly.
*no islands were harmed in the making of this post*