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Author Topic: The REAL daily joke thread:  (Read 2239 times)

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Offline Orrscores

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #105 on: Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
First off you 2 need to lay off whatever it is you are smoking down south because it's just not working for you!!!
 

  That there is a bloody cricket!  To be more precise the great green bush-cricket or tettigonia viridissima.  The adult males grow up to 28–36 millimetres (1.1–1.4 in) long, while females reach 32–42 millimetres (1.3–1.7 in). This insect is most often completely green (but there are specimens completely yellowish or with yellow legs), excluding a rust-colored band on top of the body.
 
  Tettigonia viridissima
is distinguished by its very long and thin antennae, which can sometimes reach up to three times the length of the body, thus differentiating them from grasshopperss, which always carry short antennae. It could be confused with Tettigonia cantans, whose wings are a centimeter shorter than the ovipositor, or Tettigonia caudata whose hind femurs bear conspicuous black spines.
                  
    
 
So that's what they call grasshoppers in Canada! Great bush cricket? I still say its a grasshopper and a viola...what do you know about grasshoppers..you don't have grass just snow!!😋
  And don't worry about what we smoking..working just fine.
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Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #106 on: Jan 05, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Orrscores                 View Post              
             
So that's what they call grasshoppers in Canada! Great bush cricket? I still say its a grasshopper and a viola...what do you know about grasshoppers..you don't have grass just snow!!
  And don't worry about what we smoking..working just fine.
                  
    
 
I'll have you know that we are snow free for at least a couple weeks each year!  That is a cricket with a violin!
 
 
 
 
 
  The Great Green Bush Cricket!  Brown bloody stripe on the back, long thin antennae.  I already won $49.95 from you the last time you were wrong, but I'll go double or nothing any day of the week that that's a cricket!

Offline BB_vonline

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #107 on: Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM »
These:
 
 
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             

 
 
                  
    
 
clearly look nothing like cricket:
 
 
  case closed.  Back to jokes.
 
 
  So a doctor, a priest and an engineer are golfing when they come upon a foursome that is just terrible.  They are just hitting shots everywhere and taking too much time.  The trio decide to play around them rather than wait.  When they get to the clubhouse they ask the owner about the group.  The owner relays a story of how 4 years ago his clubhouse nearly burned down and those 4 men were part of the firefighting crew that responded.  They managed to save his clubhouse and hi livelihood, but unfortunately all 4 lost their eyesight as a result of the event.  So he allows them to golf for free whenever they like.  The Priest shook his head and promised he would pray for those men.  The doctor promised he would consult with a surgeon he knew about recent advancements in eye transplantation to see if there was something that could be done for them.  The engineer simply asked, "Why not just let them golf at night?"

Offline Orrscores

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #108 on: Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM »
Lol...makes sense!!!
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Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #109 on: Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             

  case closed.  Back to jokes.
                  
    
 
It's closed when Neen and Orr both acknowledge it's a cricket!  This is a serious discussion!

Offline BB_vonline

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #110 on: Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
It's closed when Neen and Orr both acknowledge it's a cricket!  This is a serious discussion!
                  
    
 
Ok fine. there are two general distinguishing characteristics between crickets and grasshoppers. one is the antennae and the other is how they "sing". Since the splicer gave the insect a top hat clearly the antennae are irrelevant. Crickets sing by rubbing their wings together. Grasshoppers rub their leg against thier wing. Clearly the splicer designed this abomination to play the violin with it legs. So it is either a spliced cricket which was then trained to use its leg or it is a spliced grasshopper that would naturally use its leg. Occams razor dictates that it is a grasshopper. It obviously got its brown streak from the wood grain of the violin neck.

Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #111 on: Jan 06, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Ok fine. there are two general distinguishing characteristics between crickets and grasshoppers. one is the antennae and the other is how they "sing". Since the splicer gave the insect a top hat clearly the antennae are irrelevant. Crickets sing by rubbing their wings together. Grasshoppers rub their leg against thier wing. Clearly the splicer designed this abomination to play the violin with it legs. So it is either a spliced cricket which was then trained to use its leg or it is a spliced grasshopper that would naturally use its leg. Occams razor dictates that it is a grasshopper. It obviously got its brown streak from the wood grain of the violin neck.
                  
    
 
You too are very wrong, it's a cricket.  I have proof but I was hoping that Orr would take my bet first...

Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #112 on: Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM »
The daily joke: everyone not willing to admit it's a cricket

Offline Orrscores

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #113 on: Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by Flonner                 View Post              
             
The daily joke: everyone not willing to admit it's a cricket
                  
    
 
Its your pet beaver in its Halloween costume...a grasshopper crossed with a viola!!!😝
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Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #114 on: Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM »
ok it's officially time to end this....  its a bloody cricket and a violin.
 
 
 
  By: Mark Rain   
  Jiminy Cricket

Jiminy gets a Stradivari from Gepetto.
  "When you wish upon a star,
  Makes no difference who you are,
  Anything your heart desires,
  Will come to you..."
  Image used is actually a  Great Green Bush Cricket.
  More of my Creative Common images are available  on my  Picasa page.
  If you find this image useful, please link it to my blog at:
 



Offline BB_vonline

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #115 on: Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM »
A: What's the difference between a grasshopper and a crivket?
  B: I don't know what's the difference between a grasshopper and a cricket?
  A:  Oh hi Flonner
 
  See if you're going to keep posting about it make a joke. This is supposed to be a joke thread.

Offline BB_Flonner

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #116 on: Jan 07, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
A: What's the difference between a grasshopper and a crivket?
  B: I don't know what's the difference between a grasshopper and a cricket?
  A:  Oh hi Flonner
 
  See if you're going to keep posting about it make a joke. This is supposed to be a joke thread.
                  
    
 
See it eventually all lead to a good original joke! That made me chuckle

Offline BB_vonline

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #117 on: Jan 08, 2017, 12:00 AM »
Found online:
 
  Minister: And now the couple would like to share their wedding vows
  Groom:  A E I O U
  Bride: Are you ever going to take anything seriously?
  Groom:  Sometimes … why?

Offline Orrscores

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #118 on: Jan 08, 2017, 12:00 AM »
    
       
          
                        
                Quote Originally Posted by vonline                 View Post              
             
Found online:
 
  Minister: And now the couple would like to share their wedding vows
  Groom:  A E I O U
  Bride: Are you ever going to take anything seriously?
  Groom:  Sometimes … why?
                  
    
 
Made me giggle...sounds like my wedding
 
 
  What food kills a woman's sex drive?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  Wedding cake!!
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Offline BB_vonline

The REAL daily joke thread:
« Reply #119 on: Jan 16, 2017, 12:00 AM »
Who is this Rorchach guy and why does he keep painting naked pictures of my mother?